Impatient with Growth


It's interesting when we tell ourselves that we want better things for ourselves and family. However, there are times when we forget it or rather we do not want to put in the work because we're so comfortable at where we are. Being in our comfort zones give us that trust that we will and always feel that same emotion at any given time and moment. When we feel and are either disappointed of the outcome rather than being grateful for the lessons and learning we become attached to the situation.


Our own comfort zone is the death of us. Our comfort zone is where we believe life begins and ends. We try to accept situation outside of our comfort zone but when it feels very unforgiving we run back to our zone or our box and stay there. I have had so many breakthroughs in the past few years and frankly, I keep running back into my box and staying in my box or in my circle whatever you call it. Depending on the situation sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's just damn difficult. Sometimes I want to go back into my own comfort zone and old ways. However, I have worked hard and put many efforts, and tears after tears in my growth, and cried myself to sleep at times. I remind myself that I will not go back into that old self and the old ways of being insecure, a pushover and immature. I have even looked for Love at the wrong place, outside of myself.


Last year I was dating someone and I saw all the red flags but I had convinced myself that I can and am able to live with those red flags. We were doing really well, so I thought. I was practically living with him but then out of nowhere he does a 360 turns and breaks things up. I was devastated. He showed me things in a relationship that I haven't experienced; he also showed me things that you shouldn't want in a relationship. 


It took me a long time to get over it; I was in tears for days, weeks and months. There are also moments where I wanted to give up on my self-evolution. I wanted to tell my spiritual teacher to leave me alone, I don't want anything to do with him but as I looked past all my devastation and disappointments in life, I knew deep down that I didn't want to stop evolving.


Until now I'm still progressing in my self-evolution with my spiritual teacher. My breakthroughs are easy at times and at times it's not and that's also okay. As long as I'm always striving to better myself, to evolve myself, to learn to unconditionally Love with no expectation I know I'm heading the right direction.


And then I get impatient with myself thinking that this isn't for me and not trusting the journey. That is when you trust the journey. Things will become much easier than before. When we don't have enough confidence in our self to actually portray or manifest what we really want in life, life will give you what you ask for. The universe will conspire with you, never against you. This is why we tend to live in our head because that's where we are most comfortable. When we live in our head, we start to believe the lies that we tell ourselves. It sounds really weird but I actually like talking to myself out loud. It gives me a logical way of learning exactly what need to be learned and rather than saying it in your head. And that's why thinking out loud and saying things out loud when you're in that place of uncertainty will bring light to a situation.


No one will give you a better advice other than you, yourself alone. You know yourself better than anyone around you even when you believe that your friends and family knows you.


This is why it's also good to have friends and a mentor, people who are significant and you trust, who know you and who will not judge you for your actions, thoughts and, unconditional love. Who will guide you and support you and will say to you what needs to be said and not just what you want to hear. And to tell you out loud what you don't want to hear. Because what you don't want to hear is and eventually will become your truth and what you really need to hear. Hearing your truth is very difficult, as is realizing your truth and speaking your truth. Having the consistency spiritually, mentally and emotionally in words, deeds, and action when they are all aligned life becomes manageable. That's why till this day I still practice consistency because lying to myself over and over again takes too much energy. So be patient and practice consistency.